The Power of WE — Taylor Wesley
Andy Knight
Taylor Wesley is the National Collegiate Specialist for Ranch at Dove Tree in Lubbock, TX. Taylor will be sharing her and her family's journey with mental health, addiction and recovery in order to give education and hope to families who may be struggling. Sometimes people forget that the first step to the entire family healing is to reach out for help. If you take the "I" out of mental illness and replace it with "We" it creates the word, Mental Wellness.
Transcript:
The We Mentality
Mental Illness and Addiction by Taylor Wesley
My Story (as told by Taylor Wesley)
From a young age I was a perfectionist, but it was really an underlying obsessive compulsive disorder. I would suffer from anxiety when things were not perfectly in order, or if I was not at the very top of my class. That eventually manifested in destructive comparison and never being pleased with myself.
A mean comment from a classmate about my weight caused me to develop an eating disorder. That along with running cross country caused me to have very low blood sugar levels, and eventually I turned to binge eating.
I never used drugs, but binge eating did what a drug would do for me. In my junior year of high school, I used alcohol for the first time. I never got drunk, but my 3rd time I was expelled for drinking.
Not only was I suffering from severe OCD and binge eating disorder, but a car crash with my grandma freshman year left me with some PTSD. That caused me to suffer my first full panic attack and permanently scare me around cars. I was never content with myself, and always wished I could improve. I was also overmedicated and always felt hazy and tired.
I was going to a Christian school, but I felt that God was doing nothing for me. I had prayed and paid attention in Bible class, but I felt like He wasn’t looking out for me. I began relying on myself, and that led to me becoming secretive with my parents.
Eventually I made it to college at Auburn, and the freedom astounded me. I no longer had to talk to my parents and would get a fresh start. I planned on joining a sorority because I wanted to be friends with those people.
One of the first nights we were at a fraternity party, I met my best friend: Vodka. When I drank Vodka, I no longer cared what I looked like, what people thought of me or what I ate.
Alcohol took away my bad thoughts, but when I woke up the next morning the thoughts were debilitating. It was so bad that I was out of touch with reality, and no longer cared about anything. The only way I knew to fix those thoughts was drinking alcohol, and that started a horrible cycle. I would drink, wake up, neglect school, friends and family, and then drink more.
It got so bad that my friends stopped wanting to hang out with me, because I was always drunk or passed out somewhere. I still wanted to be a good Christian like my parents raised me, but when I woke up anxious, all I wanted was for that feeling to go away. I drank all the time, and it soon got to the point that I hated myself when I was sober. My friends and parents were very concerned, and I tried to have a facade with them that I was OK.
One night I was driving from Auburn to Atlanta while drunk, and I was pulled over. I am so thankful for that cop to this day because he most likely saved my life and many others too. He gave me the option of going to jail or calling my parents to come pick me up, so I chose the latter.
My parents were concerned that they had done something wrong, and thought they were too harsh on me. I had been horrible to them growing up, and what I then realized was they were trying to protect me. They felt that if they could help solve my anxiety, then the drinking would stop.
I drank for my last time in 2014. My parents could not get a hold of me, and it turned out I had choked on my own vomit and was unresponsive, and close to the point of my body shutting down. The doctors realized how serious my addiction was, and so my parents sent me to treatment.
The treatment group I began going to was convenient, but did not help. I was scared to open up, and the other patients were not like me and far from my age. The people there quickly realized that, and recommended I go to a facility that specializes in college kids and young adults. I didn’t have any motivation to get sober, but I went because of the possibility of making friends.
When I arrived at the new facility, I met a girl with purple hair and tattoos. She thought I was a new staff member, and when I told her was a patient she was surprised. That is the moral of my story, because up to this point I only looked at differences, when I should have been looking at similarities. We were both there because of addiction, and that made us similar.
I pretended to be okay, but I would cry at night and would not tell the truth. One night, I had a conversation with a fellow patient, and he mentioned how he was so glad to be here getting treatment. I was surprised, because I was so ready to leave and get away. He said he came from jail, and he missed connection with people. He challenged me to ask someone for help the following day, and I followed his advice.
In group time the next day I just told everyone how I was feeling and how unhappy I was to be there. Lots of people came up to me, wanting to figure out how they could help or to give me advice. I learned that they all had gone through the same things as myself. It really helped me make a connection with people. I felt so much love and compassion from everyone.
One step I was taught at recovery was to have a relationship with a higher power. I was worried, because I had really fallen away from God, but I realized that having Him to give all of my problems to made me feel free. I incorporated religion into my recovery, and I began to feel peace.
I went to Texas Tech, which is the best collegiate recovery college in the US. They taught me to do simple tasks I was never good at, and surrounded me with a community of students who were all sober and recovering like me. I took a public speaking class there, and one prompt was to share something about yourself. I talked about all I had been through, and 3 kids from the class of 20 came up to talk to me at the end. I realized that if there were 3 in a group of 20, there are so many people struggling with things that I could possibly help. It was a chain reaction of vulnerability.
I eventually decided to go and finish my degree at Auburn because I wanted to make amends to myself. I could feel good, work hard and thrive in the college I had to leave. I began going to all of the mental health things that happened on campus, and I shared my story with my old sorority, and it was all met with positive comments.
I helped found the Auburn Recovery Community, and we became a platform at Auburn to raise awareness for mental health issues. One of my friends nominated me for Mrs. Homecoming, and while I did not want to do it at first, my director told me how amazing that was. He said it would be an amazing platform for me to raise awareness for mental health and the people struggling right around us. That changed my perspective, and I decided to go for it.
I got to the point where I was put on a platform, and mine was all about how we can help those struggling with mental illness on the Auburn campus. It was a huge success and really valuable. Many people came up and gave their stories and were vulnerable, which had ripple effects across the event. I was chosen to be Mrs. Homecoming, and walking across the field with my dad was an amazing moment because I was able to bring so much awareness to mental health. It was also an amazing moment with me and my dad, because he told me how proud he was, and it really helped us connect in a way we never had.
I graduated and began to share my story with others. The recovery center where I went reached out to me wanting to have me raise awareness for their cause, and that is what I do now. I get to travel around and help people learn about ways to become free.
I am in full recovery. I am sober. I have a strong relationship with God and am living a fulfilling life.
Effective Treatment for Mental Health
Meets all of a patient's needs, not just the drug
Means staying in treatment for a long time
Involves counseling and behavioral therapists
Believes medication can really help
Addresses other mental disorders
Does not need to be voluntary
After Treatment
I felt like I was free, and no longer had pain of fear
I stopped just caring for myself, and now cared about the people around me
I didn’t want anyone to ever feel the way I felt
Stigma
It's not real, but we make it up in our minds
I had stigmas of my mental health, addictions and treatment
We think it because we assume others will be thinking it
Treatment was the best thing I ever did
You need your whole family to heal together.
Mental Wellness
If you take the”i” out of mental illness and replace it with “we”, you get mental wellness
Mental wellness is the state of mental wellbeing where an individual contributes to society
Always try to keep a positive mentality and be thankful for everything you have
You need to have a sense of purpose and a goal to work towards
What can I do to be happy today? Helping others, being grateful, ect.
What Can We Do
Take care of yourself first instead of the one who is struggling
Asking people if they are OK and being there for them
Know the warning signs- isolation, change in external appearance, change in behavior, declining grades, ect.
Positive mental wellness
“Owning our story and loving ourselves through the process is the best thing that we will ever do”